It's been a while since I've posted here- I last wrote about his new 9 iu dose which seemed to bring on a dramatic effect (decreased interest in food). Since that time (13 days ago), we've noticed that the 9 iu dose has NOT been maintaining his lowered appetite. In fact, we've noticed that his appetite has been pretty large once again. He had been losing weight steadily since early September but was up a little weight (.6 kilos) last week and was down a little (.3 kilos) this week. Again, his weight is not of great concern since he is not technically obese (merely on the high end of "overweight" according to the BMI chart) but it is a certain and measurable biomarker of his metabolism. I continue to wish there were more accurate and reliable ways to measure his food consumption and his food obsession but we don't have a camera on him 24/7 and we can't read his mind so this wish is impossible to fulfill. All we can really do is to continue with the exposure hierarchy and hope that the increasing freedom will lead to increasing trust...i.e.: his trust of his own hunger signals and ability to make healthy choices regarding quality and quantity of food and our trust that he can do these things without constant supervision from us or locks on the fridge and cabinets.
Due to his increasing appetite/focus on food, it has been challenging for me to practice the exposure tasks. When I do, I find myself feeling tense and unable to let go of my policing stance with him. I have these suspicious feelings that if I turn my back, he will grab some food and shove it in his pockets or slyly find a way to hide food somewhere for later consumption. Argh! It is not a good feeling and one that is based on my observation that he doesn't seem satisfied with the moderate amount of food that he used to be able to leave partly unfinished on his plate. I know that part of the principle of doing exposure exercises is being able to tolerate the uncertainty of the task. The phobic patient exposes himself to the discomfort of the feared stimulus (spiders, crowds, germs, etc.) and learns that his anxiety will decrease if he hangs in there long enough and practices often enough to see that there is no actual danger...in a similar vein, I have to endure the anxiety of not knowing how much food Sasha will need to eat before he realizes that his appetite is satisfied and that the sneaking/hoarding mentality is no longer needed. If only living life were as simple as following psychological theories! I guess I just have to press on and deal with my own anxiety about Sasha's temptations or we will not make progress. Gulp. We have been trying different compounding pharmacies and will be going back to the one we used in September since he seemed to respond well to the oxytocin from that particular pharmacy.
Overall, Sasha is doing very well and we are grateful. His health has been good. He is continuing to socialize at school during the lunch hour at the game clubs and went for the second time last weekend to the Magic the Gathering card game club. His energy has been pretty decent which helps him enjoy school. He feels much more organized this year with his classes and his grades are all As and Bs. There haven't been any meltdowns in the last week or two. His mood has been good. I am grateful for all of these things.
I am grateful for the opportunity to conduct this experiment in the hopes of giving Sasha and others like him a less confined and more fulfilling life even if I don't know the outcome right now. May I always be reminded that gratitude has the power to improve every moment of living, no matter how frustrating, confusing, or difficult.
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