What a day! Well, they say that all is well that ends well. Sasha has gone to bed and I must admit that the afternoon and evening went remarkably well. But before I get too excited about anything, let me remind myself of what I learned today.
In my professional role as a clinical psychologist, I am very keen to teach the wise concept of living in the now and practicing non-attachment. We never really know what is going to happen next. We are not in control of other people or our circumstances. All we can do is to use our education, instincts, experiences, and personal beliefs/values to help us make the best choices we have available to us in the moment and adapt the best we can to the adversities of life. I am a firm believer in the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. The wisdom of this prayer along with my awareness of the importance of non-attachment has been seared into my mind after today's turbulent events.
After we came home from camp, Sasha had a guest, a boy named L who met him (and me) for the first time. L's father is a new friend of Sasha's dad and their entire family was planning to join us for dinner at our house. Sasha and L hit it off right away and had a great time playing with their Magic the Gathering cards. While they were playing, I was keeping a low profile and writing (posting #24) to you all. As you may recall, he delayed in asking for a snack (to my relief) and only asked for a snack at 5:20 PM- quite late considering he usually demands a snack by 4 PM on average. I got the boys a snack of pistachios and Nori seaweed which they happily ate together. It was downright surreal to overhear how normal Sasha was acting- for a kid who almost NEVER has playdates or friends over, he was a natural- like he and L were best buds! By 5:35, they were done with their snack and my husband came home. We started to make dinner. I was super edgy about bringing out any food because I didn't want to distract Sasha from his guest... I was even a Kitchen Bitch to my poor 11 year old daughter because she also had a friend over and when she asked, "Mom, may J and I do some baking", I snapped "no!" as if she were asking me if she could get her tongue pierced. I was so stressed about the food issue I didn't want ANY food cues to disrupt what I was perceiving as a smooth social interaction between Sasha and his new friend.
To my utter shock, while his dad and I prepared dinner (salad bar and grilled chicken and sausages), Sasha continued playing with L. Even after we put the appetizers out on the table (veggies and dip and parsnip chips), he continued to ignore the food to play games and by now he was playing Parcheesi with L, his sister and Sasha's sister outside on the deck... WHAT? In fact, I only saw Sasha come into the house ONCE the entire time before dinner was served at 7:15 PM. This was another one of those firsts because historically, we couldn't peel him away from the appetizers at our dinner parties and we also never saw him choosing to socialize with a group of kids when food was only 8 feet away in the next room...!
At dinner, he served himself a generous plate of salad but only ate half his salad- said he was full. Then we took a walk together to the frozen yogurt shop in our neighborhood and he presented us with another HEFY (see below)...
Getting back to my lessons from today... in retrospect, I think I have been too attached to the idea of an easy fix. Oxytocin is not a magic bullet. It is not a miracle (although it does feel like one sometimes) that is going to solve ALL of his HO and hyperphagia illls. I can accept that there WILL be bumps in the road. We will have good days. We will also have bad days. Having a good day doesn't meant that the next day will be good and having a bad day doesn't mean the next day will be bad. There will be problems the oxytocin can't fix (like his chocoholism or his lying). There may not be a solution to the problems for which we seek solutions. All I can do is try. I will fall and stumble again and all I can do is pick myself up and do it again. I can only hope that I will be able to accept what I cannot change with grace. And when I don't know what else to do, I can always vent to the wonderful people who read this blog, who understand what it is like to be in my shoes.
We are all in this together and although it is hell sometimes, it sure is nice to know we aren't alone.
Thank you for reading this and for being my moral support through this journey we call Life.
I see hope that as the benefits continue some "learned" behaviors such as continued chocoholism and lying can more easily be managed. And the bitch in me completely understand not wanting baking at that moment, and I'm sure you were not as harsh as you stated, or will be less do next time. Have a great day and thank you.
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